Saturday by the numbers

Number of "lost mommies" today: 3
Number of "lost mommies" who cared their child was gone: 0

Number of electric carts in a Wal-Mart SuperCenter: 8
Number of old people angry we don't have enough electric carts: at least 15
Number of old people in the county: zillions

How many co-managers and assistant managers on duty: 6
How many managers came to our assistance: 0

How many cart pushers on the schedule: 6
How many cart pushers showed up to work: 0

Times I asked the Cash Office for change: 1
Times the Cash Office gave me the WRONG change: 1

Number of customers who had purses stolen: 1
Number of sheriff's deputies in the store as a result: 1

Number of pregnant cashiers AT work: 4
Number of previously pregnant cashiers OUT of work at the moment: 2 (i.e. they JUST had the baby)
Number of previously pregnant cashiers BACK at work: 3

Number of door greeters we had today: 10 (a new record)
Number of door greeters whose native language is English: 3
Number of door greeters proficient in English: 1

Number of registers in total: 48
Number of registers with funky cash drawers: 5
Number of registers missing guns: 3
Number of registers that just don't work at all: 4

Number of service desk staff: 5
Number of service desk staff at five p.m: 1
Number of service desk staff on break: 4
Times I had to make a very angry page: 2
Minutes it took service desk staff to return: approx. 90 seconds.

Time I had to run the entire floor by myself from 10-6: 2 hours, 36 min.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.